I am glad I learned this a long time ago. Abusers have the tendency to try to victimize a person after they have left the abuser. Today I had to endure this and I conquered it.
Years ago I would have reacted in a different way; perhaps with tears, begging and pleading, perhaps with anger and retaliation but today I am stronger than the young senseless girl I was in my twenties. Today I remained calm in my actions and words and I did not let the words and actions of others control me.
I received a text message that all my belongings were being taken to goodwill and another text message stating that he was loading my things up. I didn't panic, I called the police and discovered that yes my rights are being violated and yes there are legal actions that I can take and there is now a report on file. Since I didn't respond to him in anger I was called "a nut case" then I still didn't respond and now I am receiving messages that I do not have any belongings there, I am crazy and I took everything with me. (That's laughable because that would require a uhual truck and some extra hands).
Instead of reacting to all of this by panic and anger I stayed calm. When I stayed calm and focussed I removed my emotions from the situation and this gave me the ability to look at this from a different perspective. The abuser was trying to elicit fear and panic in me but when I didn't react it was he who became fearful and in a panic. It was obvious in his actions and reactions to my calmness. (Come get your stuff right now, I'm taking your stuff to goodwill, I am loading up the truck, you took all of your belongings with you and you have nothing here, you are a nutcase, I don't have anything of yours)
I realized this is true in all aspects of life. All emotions and actions are rooted in either love or fear.. When we are angry we panic and act out of fear. This is usually when we end up regretting our actions or learning some valuable life lessons that we do not wish to repeat.
I've known these truths about life for many years but it is not often that they are put to the test. Today they were and I am quite proud of myself for not taking the bait and for passing the test. I've learned through life experiences that when I am emotional and arguing with another person and letting another's persons words effect my emotions that I give the other person control over me. When I remain calm, logical, and I do not let my emotions control my reactions I gain power. It is a powerful feeling to be able to control your own emotions and something that it takes many people a life time to conquer.
Today I conquered this when the stakes were high. Today I feel victorious, but they always say it is through the pains of life that we grow into our highest self.
P.s. Thank you parents for teaching me this in my youth when I would come home all emotional because someone said something. They would always say "would you be mad is someone called you a tree? " I would get so upset because they did not call me a tree they said something else and it's not truueeeee. Then they would say, "just because someone calls you a tree it doesn't make you a tree, if you wouldn't get upset over being called a tree because that is untrue then why are you upset about this" Still to this day I say this to myself. Just because someone calls you a tree doesn't make you a tree
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